


Just Because

by astragazer



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Universe, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, No Strings Attached, Pro Volleyball Player Ushijima Wakatoshi, Protective Ushijima Wakatoshi, Reader-Insert, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:28:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28692492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astragazer/pseuds/astragazer
Summary: “Why do you love me?”“Do I need a reason? I love you, just because.”In which you found yourself in a no-string-attached kind of relationship with THE Ushijima Wakatoshi of Schweiden Adlers.
Relationships: Ushijima Wakatoshi/Reader
Comments: 22
Kudos: 71





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

**_Let’s not talk about the past_ **

**_Let’s not think about the future_ **

**_We’ll just have to live in the moment, the now and today._ **

* * *

_Sex._

_Is love really a requirement for that?_

_You are nothing more or less than two naked bodies. You don’t need the attachment. You may share a night of intimacy but the next day you two are back to nothing more or less than acquaintances._

_At least that was what you like to believe._

_A relationship where there aren’t any sort of affection. No strings attached, because it would be troublesome if you let your emotions overpower your rationality. Again._

_That was what you two agreed on._

_So why, why is Ushijma saying such thing—_

_Is what runs in your mind at this moment as he stood in front of you._

_You don’t understand why all of a sudden. Why Ushijima would suddenly blurt out those words that you had been dreading to hear._

_“I love you,” he said, his face serious and not a hint of humour nor smile playing on his handsome face._

_“Why?” you asked, eyes unblinking as you stare at Ushijima “Why do you love me?”_

_“Do I need a reason? I love you, just because.”_

_Everyone already heard about the red strings of fate but as far as you are concern, that thing never exist._

_To you and Ushijima, it was the no string attached kind of relationship. Meeting up, casual fuck and by tomorrow you’re back to normal like nothing happened._

_It was what you agreed on three months prior to this moment. It would be too complicated for the both of you if you enter a relationship and you are fine just doing those kinds of things without any strings holding or binding you._

_Three months ago, that was when it started._

_This no string attached relationship between you and Ushijima_

* * *

If there’s one thing you never liked about yourself, it’s trusting too quickly. That one particular personality of yours got your heart broken far too many times than you could have counted. And the last one, the last one would be the very last time you would let another guy into your heart.

“What the hell is this bullshit?” your editor slammed his laptop shut before he looked at you.

You weren’t really paying attention to him, the green plants in the office looks more interesting that you didn’t hear his question right away until he called your name and you flinched as you turned to him.

“What?”

He looked at you with half-lidded eyes, an expression written on his face shouting ‘are you kidding me’ before he rolled his eyes and sighed exasperatedly.

“Darling why did you kill all the characters in your book? Don’t expect people to read hundreds of pages just for them to see the main leads die in a not so dramatic way at the end. That is so not going to work.”

“And don’t expect stories to always have happy endings Kai. That-” you said, pointing at him. “That is bullshit.”

Kai, your editor, looked at you in boredom, a few seconds of silence with just him plainly staring at you before he sighed in defeat and his shoulders slumped. It’s not that your story was bad. At least not the beginning and the middle, but when it came to the ending, you knew it wasn’t the best one you have ever written. But you knew more than anyone how things are never always the bright, happy ending it always is being portrayed in fairy tales.

“Look, Y/N, I know you just got back from a break-up. But that doesn’t mean you will let your personal love life influence your professional career.”

You were silent after that. Too stunned to even speak for a second. You were fine a moment ago but when he mentioned that, you felt like all the memories you have wanted to bury at the back of your mind with no hopes of ever resurfacing suddenly came back and you stood up.

“If you don’t like the ending, you can burn it for all I care.”

You were ready to storm out of the room when he called your name and you knew, after years of working with him as your editor, even going as far back as to being friends during College, you can never stay mad at your best friend. You turn back but you didn’t sit back, you just stood there as you waited for him to speak.

“Okay, I’m sorry for mentioning it. But Y/N, darling, you’re a great writer. You didn’t spend sleepless nights conjuring a plot and breathing life to these characters for you to just eventually kill them. I understand you probably haven’t moved on—”

“Says who?” you cut him off and he gave you a look of disapproval before he rolled his eyes and continued talking.

“And I know this isn’t the best ending. I know you can do so much better than this.”

You don’t really know. You were ready to tell him you were going to quit writing, at least for now. The passion is still there, but the motivation and inspiration just don’t burn as much as they did when you were starting the book. And somewhere along the way you knew that you lost the motivation to write it at the same time you lost your heart to the guy you decided to trust.

You gave him your heart only to take it back pieces by pieces after he broke it.

“So what do you suggest?” you finally asked, something that made your editor smile as if he was waiting for you to ask the exact question.

“Three weeks. I’ll give you until the end of this month to change the ending. But for now, I suggest you take a short break. Go treat yourself and have some fun.”

Fun?

And so that was where you found yourself sitting in a taxi driving down the street of Tokyo. The lights blurring outside as the night deepened and you were on the way to one of the high end nightclubs in Shinjuku.

“I told you I’m just gonna go out for a drink,” you said, your eyes fixed on the surrounding outside as you listen to your editor’s voice from the other end of the line.

“Are you sure you’re just going out for a drink, Y/N? You’re not planning to hook up with some guy or drown yourself in a river?”

“Kai, seriously? You were the one who told me to have some _fun_. So I’m just doing exactly as you told me.”

“Yeah! But why do you need to go all the way to Tokyo when you could have some fun in Miyagi?”

He’s right, when he found out you left Sendai, your editor thought you were going to ditch your work for good. So he decided to call you right away.

But you weren’t planning to spend your weekend over the place that reminded you of your ex-boyfriend. So maybe 200 miles away from the place would make you forget even for a while. So you decided to spend the weekend in Tokyo, a place where it’s full of lights and the City that never seem to fall asleep just like you sometimes.

“I’m going back by Monday, don’t worry. And no, I’m not going to drown myself in a river.”

That thought never actually cross your mind. You knew your editor is just being exaggerated. Drown yourself? No way, not for that guy. But hook up with some guy from Tokyo? That may sound highly likely but there’s no way you’re going to tell your editor.

“Alright. Just be careful, text me when you’re back.”

You snorted before shaking your head. “I swear you’re a better boyfriend than the asshole who cheated on me.”

“Yeah, yeah. Unfortunately I have a boyfriend. Talk to you later.”

The call ended after that and you saw the nightclub up ahead. After stepping out of the taxi you went in the club and felt the familiar atmosphere and the smell of liquor overpowered your sense of smell as you headed over to the counter, taking a cocktail, you sat on the stool and listen to the beat of the music.

When you thought about how your life just went over the last year, you just wanted to laugh and erase all those memories and burn them together with your petty emotions that got you into giving your heart to that guy only to end up taking it back pieces by pieces because he broke it.

You didn’t even realize how many glasses you have taken until you felt your vision got blurry and you almost fell straight on the counter.

“One more of this please,” you muttered, raising your glass as the bartender gave you a look of what seem like concern before he put another glass of some strong liquor in front of you.

You downed the liquor in a gulp, feeling the liquid sting down your throat as you closed your eyes tightly.

“I should have…I should have at least punched that guy on his crown jewel once,” you muttered, gritting your teeth as you held the glass so tight you might as well just break it the way he broke your heart.

You sighed and your shoulders slumped before you turn around and leaned on the bar counter. Even though you spent most of your childhood in Miyagi, around the quiet and peaceful farmland, you weren’t exactly new to this kind place. You watched how men and women danced in front, not being bothered by how close they are to one another, bodies grinding together as their skins burn from liquor. You just sat there and watch, downing the content in your glass as the liquor sting down your throat again.

You knew you are no longer sober, but you aren’t that drunk either. At least not to the point that you wouldn’t recognise the two guys entering the club and your eyes caught a familiar person amongst them but they headed somewhere and disappeared by the corner.

“A VIP lounge, probably?” you muttered. “Those rich Tokyo guys. Ah, would be nice if I get to hook up with one of them tonight.”

You turned around and ask for another glass all the while thinking how you thought for a second that one of those guys was someone you knew from attending Tohoku University. But you shrugged your shoulders and swoosh away the thought before it could invade your mind any further.

“Yeah, right. As if that guy would be in a place like this,” you said, chuckling to yourself. “Ushijima,”

* * *

He was never a fan of noisy and crowded places, he dislike clubs and bars in particular. The loud music banging on the walls, the blinding laser lights, the smell of strong perfumes mixed with liquors and cigars and the sea of bodies dancing to the beat of some western rap with incoherent lyrics.

Ushijima Wakatoshi would rather be in his luxury million dollar apartment, chilling in his living room watching some reruns of a tv series than in this goddamn place.

But the moment Bokuto barged in his place, dragging him to a high-end nightclub in Shinjuku, he didn’t have much choice but to go along. He was never close to the guy, even during high school, he has met him a few times, exchange some words just for formality. Even as they started playing professionally in the V-League, he was signed under MSBY, an opposing team. So Ushijima never really thought why and how they became close.

“Can I go home early? I need to rest,” Ushijima said once they stepped outside the car. He didn’t even know how he’ll get home when it was Bokuto who brought his car. Maybe book a taxi, it was just a twenty minute drive from here.

“Ushiwaka, don’t be like that! Let’s enjoy the night. Hinata and Kageyama are already inside so let’s go.”

At least the nightclub is more tamed than anything. More formal than the last one they went to. Ushijima was so close into leaving last time when they almost convinced him they were in a strip club.

“They’re already in the lounge,” Bokuto said, leading the way to the VIP lounge.

Ushijima first noticed Kageyama sitting across the room. When he saw Ushijima he seems to be surprise but recovered quickly as he nodded his head towards him. Hinata on the other hand is busy talking to Atsumu while Sakusa is by the corner, just by himself, as always.

Bokuto cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention once they settled on their couches.

“Let’s all remember that we’re enemies on the court but we’re friends outside the court. Let’s enjoy this night as friends!” he said, raising his glass and everyone followed.

It took Ushijima at least a few minutes to make himself comfortable, even though he still felt a bit on edge in this kind of place. He doesn’t trust any of these guys, he never know when some girl in a bunny one-piece would appear in their longue like last time.

But it doesn’t seem to be the case this time. The men are just enjoying the night. Nothing more and nothing less than that. And Ushijima thought, maybe, just maybe, he might as well let loose tonight.

And around half an hour later, he found himself playing the accursed game of strip poker, taking off layers of his clothes as he lost yet another round.

“Who knew the ace was so bad at this game?” Atsumu said, laughing as he shook his head while Hinata tried to stifle a laugh.

“Shut it, Miya. You’re just as bad,” Sakusa stated, looking at Atsumu who is down to the last layer of his clothes before he goes buck naked.

Ushijima wanted to quit the game, but he knew if he did, Bokuto would just end up riling him up. He may be competitive before, but nothing that his strength couldn’t back it up. But unfortunately this one couldn’t be backed up by his strength because he has to admit that he’s not so good at the game.

“So, who’s up for another round?” Bokuto asked and Hinata quickly raise his hand.

The guy hasn’t lost a single round yet and he was so eager for another round. Ushijima just shook his head and was about to stand up when the door suddenly threw open and barging right in was a girl. Everyone was taken by surprise that they didn’t even realize some of them were almost half naked and the girl just stood there before she muttered a name.

This time you were sure of it.

When you stood up earlier and proceeded to the bathroom, you were so close into throwing up but you held it in before you throw open the door to the bathroom.

Or at least what you think is the bathroom.

But instead of the white walls, sink and cubicles, what greeted you were men sitting on a couch, inside a VIP lounge, playing strip poker. And you happen to know one of them as your eyes fell on him right across the room. His name slipping out of your lips before you passed out.

This time, you were sure of it.

It’s—

“Ushijima…Wakatoshi?”


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

**_She was writing about happiness_ **

**_And then her heart got broken_ **

**_Now she was writing about happiness, with no happy ending_ **

* * *

When Ushijima was in College, he remembered a girl who often attended the same lectures as him. But Ushijima absolutely didn’t expect to see you, not in this place, especially not in Tokyo. He knew you live in Miyagi, that’s at least five hours from Tokyo. But he doesn’t exactly know what you do for a living now, after you two graduated three years ago. He thought maybe you live in Tokyo now, but he knew not to jump to conclusions and his thoughts were cut short when he felt eyes on him.

“Ushiwaka, you know her?” Bokuto asked, looking over Ushijima’s shoulders to look at your sleeping figure, your body leaning on Ushijima as you passed out right in front of him, luckily, thanks to his fast reflexes he managed to catch you before your body could hit the ground.

“A bit,” Ushijima said. “We briefly saw each other back in College.”

“Oho? An ex-lover eh?” Bokuto said, raising his eyebrow in contrast with Ushijima who frowned in return.

“No. I meant, we literally saw each other. We used to attend the same class.”

Atsumu stifled a laugh with a cough. Even after knowing the guy for some time he still couldn’t grasp his bluntness and taking things at a literal sense all the time. He actually wouldn’t believe if the guy had any relationship before.

“Well, since you’re the only one who knows her, be a gentleman and take care of her,” Atsumu suggested and almost everyone agreed.

It’s not as if they could just leave a girl in the lounge either.

“Why should I do that?” Ushijima asked and it felt like a brick wall just fell on Atsumu’s head when he heard that.

“Because you’re the only one who knows her?” he repeated, a little slower this time to make sure he understands.

You didn’t know how and when you ended up in a car, you just stirred in your sleep and you felt the moving vehicle as you turned more comfortably and blink your eyes open. The first thing you saw were the lights outside blurring past by before you slowly sat up and turned to the side to see a man sitting beside you.

“Who the hell are you?” you asked with a frown, squinting your eyes to look more closer before the guy turned to you and you remembered who it was.

“Ushijima?” you muttered.

“You’re awake,” he said, if you were not drunk, well not that you aren’t, but you weren’t exactly sober either, you would have replied sarcastically. Something along the line of, no I wasn’t awake, I’m clearly still asleep.

But you just stayed quiet.

“If you were with someone, you should give them a ca—”

“No, I’m alone,” you said, cutting him off. “Are we off to your place?”

“Don’t you have a place to stay?”

“Oh come on, can I just spend the night to your place? For old time’s sake, hm?”

You weren’t exactly trying to hit on him, but you really don’t have anywhere to go. You went straight to the nightclub before even booking a hotel room in Tokyo and you doubt if you could catch a train back to Sendai either. Besides, you don’t feel like going to a hotel at this hour. So your only choice is to crash into his place.

You weren’t exactly strangers to begin with. Acquaintances maybe, but at least you know some things about him.

Ushijima was silent for a few seconds and you thought maybe he was contemplating it.

“I don’t really have anywhere to go though. I might as well sleep in the street at this point.”

“Fine, you can stay at my place.”

You couldn’t help the grin as you clapped your hands together before you felt slightly queasy and you bend down, grasping your stomach but nothing came out. Ushijima was looking at you a bit worriedly, for someone who often look as intimidating and quiet all the time, you were kind of surprise to see him giving you such a look.

“I’m fine,” you said, as if you needed to reassure him that you are. “Just give me a few minutes to rest..maybe even take a nap..” your voice drifted down and before you knew it you were sound asleep again.

It wasn’t until the taxi halted and you felt someone by your side did you finally open your eyes and blink away the sleep in your system. The apartment complex looks expensive, a luxurious one and you expect nothing less from a well-known athlete.

“Woah, you live here now?” you said as you two walked over the elevator. The lobby looked fine but it was nothing compared to his unit.

The exterior scream the word luxury, a glass window overlooking the cityscape and although there weren’t much furniture, it still looks neat.

He led you towards the couch, you still felt quite dizzy but the queasy feeling was gone now. Before Ushijima could let go of you, you held on to him, your arms around his shoulder.

“Hey, wanna do it?” you asked, taking the initiative and Ushijima seem confuse at first.

“Do what?”

“This,” you said before crashing your lips on top of his.

It wasn’t your first kiss, hell you doubt if it was even his first kiss either. But Ushijima didn’t react, even after your tongue licked his lips asking for permission, he kept his mouth shut and you eventually got bored and leaned out.

“What? You don’t know how to kiss a girl?” you asked, just to rile him off but he doesn’t seem annoyed by what you said. More like, by how you are acting.

“Stop this,” he said, taking your arms off his shoulders.

It was then you realized just how you acted in spur of the moment and you almost chuckled to yourself.

“I must have been really drunk,” you muttered, shaking your head. “But you know, to hell with that. If you’re not up to it I’ll go find someone who wants to do it.”

You got up from the couch and were ready to storm out of the room when you felt his hand gripped your arm and pulled you back.

“You weren’t like this before. What happened?”

Your eyebrows furrowed and you looked down on his hand that was holding your forearm before you looked back at him. “And how sure are you that the me from before was the real me and not the me that you’re seeing now?”

He didn’t say anything after that but you saw how his jaw visibly clenched and you thought he might have been riled up even though he wasn’t showing it. And you tried to shake his hold but he has such an iron grip.

“You said you weren’t up for the fun, so can you please let go?”

He didn’t let go. So you decided to force yourself out of his iron grip and took a step but before you could walk past him again he pulled you back and then all of a sudden, without so much of a warning, crashed his lips on yours. He was quick to dart his tongue inside when you opened your mouth and you tasted the cocktail drink he must have had earlier. You felt your face heat up, whether it’s from being drunk or the kiss that’s starting to get rougher you had no idea. After a while you felt out of breath and you know your face is flushed from the kiss before you looked up at him under your lashes, a smirk playing on your pretty face.

“So you do know how to kiss,” you said, before standing on your tiptoes and leaning closer to him. “Surely, you don’t expect to leave me hanging with just a kiss.”

When he was in College, Ushijima met this girl. Always smiling, a happy go lucky as what people used to describe her. She seemed to always have a bright sense of playing with words and her stories always put everyone in awe when they read it. Even Ushijima was able to read one of her stories that left him stunned. Then he knew, there are people who are good in certain fields and there are the ones who are considered the best. If he is considered a super ace in Volleyball, this girl, surely is considered a prodigy in writing. The words that brought him to feel certain things he never knew he would feel.

Then all of a sudden, she would come back with this kind of personality that is totally different from the one Ushijima remembered.

And he thought, just what in the world happened.

You don’t seem to be new to this kind of thing. But you felt different and you concluded that it must have been just the alcohol in your system. That wherever he touch, the skin seem to burn. And it burned so hot you felt like you’re about to lose it.

“Ushijima…” you moaned out his name. “When did…you become this good?”

You doubt if he even heard what you said, he was going too fast, too rough and your mind just went blank.

Sometime during that you felt his arms engulfed you in an embrace as if reassuring you that whatever it is you are dealing with, will be eventually vanish and that everything will be fine. You almost laughed at that. You didn’t even tell him anything. Not your past relationship, not how it ended and not how your heart is broken down to pieces right at that moment. But for some odd reason you just let him embrace you until you fell asleep.

The morning after that, Ushijima woke up at an empty bed. His memories of last night started to resurface as he sat up, the sheet falling down his body as he looked around his room.

“So she left,” he said, looking down when he noticed something on the bed.

A black hair tie was left and Ushijima took it. He knew it was from you, probably the only thing you left because your clothes were no longer in sight and neither are you. Just as he stood up, he saw a note on his nightstand, another thing you left and Ushijima took it.

_Thanks for letting me stay for the night. I’ll treat you some other time soon in return. Oh, and I also left my number in case you want another company ;)_

Ushijima doesn’t exactly know what you meant on the last statement but he just shrugged his shoulders and folded the note, keeping it in his wallet. He thought, you had always been like that. Like a butterfly, one moment you’re close by, the next you’re gone but it was not as if you weren’t there. You were gone, leaving scales in your wake that reminded Ushijima that you were there. And so he put your hair tie around his wrist before he went over to start his usual day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the person who's reading this, it would be lovely to hear your thoughts about this story!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

**_And maybe all she wanted was to be held_ **

**_To be kissed, to be touched_ **

**_Until she forgets everything wrong with her goddamn life_ **

* * *

“So you two screwed and did it?”

Sometimes Ushijima wonders how there are people who could openly say those words in public, but he is really not one to talk. When it comes to being blunt and saying things straight from his mind, with no filter whatsoever, Ushijima is pretty known for that. He just don’t see anything wrong with saying what’s on his mind, does it matter, it’s not like he’s lying to falter someone else. But Miya Atsumu can also be that kind of guy, so when Ushijima told him what they did that night – he really didn’t tell him, he just simply answered his question about what occurred after they left – and Ushijima said they went back to his apartment. It was Atsumu who completely jumped to conclusion and when Ushijima didn’t deny it, he had to ask that question.

“I thought she’s just a girl you knew?”

“She is,” Ushijima answered, putting the weights up as he stare up the ceiling of the gym while Atsumu completely turned to face him.

“But you had sex?”

“And?”

“And you only saw her briefly in College.”

Ushijima doesn’t know where he is getting at, so with a last lift, he put the weights down and sat up, the black tracksuit he is wearing seem too tight for his muscles but he really don’t seem to be too aware of his build. “Does it matter?” Ushijima said, taking a bottle of energizer before he stood up.

Atsumu whistled as he too stood up. “I didn’t know the great Ushiwaka is up for a one-night stand. Did she leave her number?”

“She did,” Ushijima said as they walked outside the gym and towards the locker room. Atsumu seem surprise to hear that as he gushed, though he could be just exaggerating it but Ushijima really couldn’t tell.

“Then have you called her? It’s been a week already, you should call her.”

True enough, a week has already passed and you found yourself sitting in your apartment, in front of you is your laptop with a mug of coffee by the side which you knew is already lukewarm, if not cold. But nothing, you could not think of anything as you stare ahead on the white screen of your device. Your editor gave you three weeks to change the ending, a week has already gone by but you still don’t know how to start. Whenever you feel like you’re about to write something, you would end up deleting it and starting all over again. This is all because of that guy who you didn’t even want to say the name of as you stood up and stretched your legs, walking around your small space, you brushed your hair and was about to tie it up when you remembered you don’t have a hair tie.

“I wonder if I left it at his place,” you said as you let your hair down. “Ugh! And it’s my last hair tie!”

You fell on the couch with a flop as you lie there on your stomach, face buried on a throw pillow as you let out a muffled scream of frustration, just to let it all out, before you rolled on your back and stare up the ceiling.

Then an idea popped in your head.

You knew it must be a crazy idea but you decided to do it anyways as you made your way to the bathroom, a comb and scissors in hand, you stood before the mirror holding your hair as your eyes travelled to your reflection.

“Alright Y/N,” you said. “Time to cut your hair.”

They say a woman who had gotten out of a break-up usually cuts their hair short as to remind themselves that change can also be a good way to start moving on. You really didn’t know why this idea just invaded your mind. But maybe because you were just too busy then, and you always had your hair tie around your wrist so whenever your hair is bothering you, you would just tie it up in a messy bun. And you didn’t know that losing that small piece of a hair tie would be the reason why you will decide to cut your hair short after all this time.

The scissors was so closed to cutting your hair when all of a sudden you were startled when your phone started to ring and you went outside the bathroom to answer whoever it is who is calling. But when you saw it was an unfamiliar number, you immediately thought who it was.

“Look, Kai, I swear I’ll finish it soon and there are still, what, two weeks?”

“Who’s Kai?”

A familiar voice asked and you blinked your eyes in surprise. His voice don’t change much compared to when he’s speaking in person.

“Ushijima?” you asked before you briefly remembered leaving a note a week ago with your number sprawled lazily at the end. “Oh, Kai is my editor. I need to change the ending of a book and he gave me three weeks to do that. But anyways, why’d you call?”

“Are you busy?”

You felt a smile going up your lips as you sat on the couch, playing with the scissors you were holding. “Why? You want another company? I could go to Tokyo this weekend if you agree on letting me stay at your place.”

“But I thought you’re busy.”

You hummed as your eyes went to the laptop, its screen now black before you stood up and went over to shut the device close. “Not really. I mean, I write whenever idea pops in my head. And right now, there’s nothing. So how’s tomorrow? Tomorrow’s Saturday.”

You waited for his response, the silence lasted for a few seconds that you actually thought he ended the call.

But then he finally spoke, with that uninterested and low tone of his voice he said, “Sure,”

The smile that you had widened. “Okay then, see you tomorrow night.”

When the call ended, you realised you were still holding the scissors. For some odd reason you decided not to cut your hair short yet. After all, you briefly remembered how his fingers brushed through your tangled hair and pulled at it that night, and you have to admit, that also kind of turned you on.

* * *

You were always mesmerized by how beautiful Tokyo is at night. It’s truly the personification of the City that stays awake. The stars up the heavens looked dimmer compared to the starlings the City provided, the tall buildings and tower up ahead, you noticed the Tokyo Skytree. It was the tallest tower in the world at one point and you had always been in awe whenever you see it, even at a distance. As you sat in his car, Ushijima could see you from his peripheral vision, though his eyes remained glued ahead. Earlier he offered to pick you up at the station, and you really don’t see any reason to turn it down, besides, you were going to his place.

When the car halted, you found yourself kissing him.

You didn’t know who initiated it first. But, really, it was you who leaned in and brushed your lips yet it was him who pulled you back when you leaned out and the kiss turned rougher. Maybe it was because he had already tasted it before, that when you playfully gave him a peck only to lean back and pretend like nothing happened, he didn’t quite like it. His hand was big and warm, and in contrast to your cold skin your thigh slightly burned under his touch.

“Ushijima,” you muttered in between the kiss and Ushijima realised he should not be doing it in his damn car.

It’s only been a week and he felt so pent-up already, but you were the one who started it all.

With one last kiss he leaned out and stared at you, your face is flushed as you averted your gaze from him. You only realised you’ve climbed up his lap and you felt something pressed down as your cheeks turned redder.

“Alright, let’s get inside,” he said, his face too, seemed flush. The red tint on his olive skin was almost unnoticeable, but it made him look all the more alluring.

You didn’t even get to walk further in his apartment when he was suddenly kissing you again in the hallway, your back against the wall and you were standing on your tiptoes to reach up to his height even though he’s already bending down slightly.

“Ushijima, are you drunk?” you asked after he leaned out.

He suddenly kissed you again, your mouth opening up as his tongue slipped in before he leaned out after a second. “Do I taste drunk?”

Of course you weren’t serious when you asked him that. There’s no way he would have offered to pick you up at the station and drive if he’s drunk. Besides, he’s an athlete, so he has a very strict restriction when it comes to alcohol.

“But you aren’t usually this aggressive.”

“You don’t like it?”

You put your arms around his shoulders and pulled him a little bit closer. “No,” you whispered. “In fact I very much like it.”

By the time you reach the bedroom, you found yourself with only your undergarments as Ushijima got rid of his top. You weren’t drunk this time yet you felt more warm and hot than when you did it last week. And perhaps because you weren’t drunk that you can feel more vividly than last time. His muscles were toned, his olive skin in contrast with your porcelain one. His hair was soft, you thought, as your fingers brushed through it and you realised how much he seem to like it when you do that.

“Ushijima…” you managed to let out his name with a breathy sigh as you felt him in, and you were so close to losing it right then and there. “There…it feels good…when you do that.”

You weren’t drunk, yet you found yourself being more vocal than when you are drunk. The way you clawed at his back, fortunately you aren’t a fan of acrylic nails or Ushijima might have nasty scratches tomorrow, but as your nails dug deeper, you felt him push farther and you arched your back.

“Wait,” you muttered, gripping his shoulder. “That’s..enough.”

You felt uncomfortable enough as it is and you didn’t know it was this big. He did stop, but when you looked at him you noticed how his eyes seem to be clouded with something else.

“But I thought you like this,” he said, before he leaned in, feeling your walls stretch as you closed your eyes tightly and held on to him. “Look, I didn’t know you would be able to take me in last time. But you have to bear with it for a while, it’ll feel good soon.”

You don’t know someone could be so rough and gentle at the same time and you have to figure out which side of him you prefer. Oddly enough, a few moments later you felt his lips on your forehead with a feathery touch as you opened your eyes. The gesture felt foreign to you, even your ex didn’t do something like this.

“I’m going to move now,” he said, he didn’t really have to say it, but you figured that’s just the kind of man he is.

And you thought maybe, maybe you prefer the gentle side of him, just for a while. As he held you in his arms, like he was afraid to open his eyes the next day and find you were no longer beside him. And you let him.

And maybe because you were not drunk that after doing it, you had a hard time falling asleep. It wasn’t because you were not tired, your body felt sore, but your mind just won’t let you go towards the arms of slumber as you lie there awake.

“It’s coming,” you muttered before you sat up quickly, a little too quickly you hissed when you felt a slight sore between your legs, but you ignored it. “The ideas are flowing in my head.”

It wasn’t just your imagination, you’ve felt like this before. When there are too many ideas, unconfined in your mind that you were not able to sleep until you write them down. You thought you would never feel like this again. You are almost convinced that you had become an empty jar that used to be overflowing with ideas. But it seems the jar is not so empty as you thought.

But you remembered you didn’t bring your laptop.

So you looked beside you, Ushijima who was sleeping soundly, before you shook his shoulders.

“Ushijima,” you called and after a while he stirred in his slumber, grunting as he rubbed his eyes and opened them tiredly, you actually felt kind of bad waking him up but you just shrugged it off.

“What?” he muttered.

“Can I borrow your laptop?”

“Alright. It’s on my desk,” he said before rolling over his stomach and burying his face on the pillow. He didn’t even ask why, and you thought maybe he’s half asleep, you doubt he’d remember it by tomorrow but you just stood and took his shirt, wearing it to cover your bare body as it went down your thighs.

You went over his desk and opened his laptop, at least he didn’t put a password. There weren’t many files either and the wallpaper was just plain grey. You expect nothing less from him. Fortunately you always bring your flashdrive that contains the documents of your book.

As you clicked on the file, your hands started to move, your fingers typing so fast as each words flow out like music. And you felt an indescribable amount of fulfilment, something that you haven’t felt in a while. It’s like finally being free from the clutches of whatever it is the binds you. Like a bird finally being let out its cage, the wind felt nice as it flatter its wings. As the first hours of dawn crept through the curtains, you stare at the white screen in front of you.

Only this time, it’s no longer white but obsidian ink and words were sprawled as you finally finished the ending.

“Ah, it’s done.”

You stretch your arms as you heard a satisfying pop of your bones and you sighed. You look over to Ushijima who seem to be sound asleep before your eyes travelled to the digital clock beside his bed. You thought you still have some time before he wakes up so you decided to do it as you turned back on the laptop.

When Ushijima stirred in his sleep, he doesn’t really know what to expect. Either you’re right beside him or you’re gone, either way he would still go and start his usual day.

But when he opened his eyes and saw the empty space beside him, he felt something that made him realise maybe he did expect you to be there. But just like a week ago, you were gone as if you weren’t there.

Ushijima sat up before he took his shirt that he was wearing last night to wear it over and then he caught a familiar smell of vanilla. You smelled of vanilla and it was enticing.

As he stood up he noticed his laptop was slightly opened and a frown invaded his feature until he briefly remembered you asked if you could borrow his laptop. He thought it was just a dream. He was about to shut it down but for some reason he opened it and the laptop turned on. He always kept the screen as neat as possible, just a simple grey wallpaper.

But now as he stare at it, he couldn’t help but felt the side of his lips turn up in what could have been as close as a smile.

“Continue to work hard, Genji Warrior,” he read the words written on his new wallpaper. The Genji Warrior that you used to call him before, when you heard about his famous nickname back in high school. Ushiwaka, the name of a well-known Genji Warrior from the Minamoto Clan and just like that namesake, Ushijima as well has high jumping abilities. The wallpaper is that of a white eagle in a black background with the kanji of those words written on the side.

After a while Ushijima noticed a document was left opened and he clicked it.

This time, you didn’t leave a note written on a paper, but it was written on that document.

**_ Thank you for letting me borrow your laptop. I’ll cook breakfast. Come outside when you wake up ;) _ **


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

_**Brushing a girl’s hair** _

_**behind her ear once a day** _

_**will solve more problems** _

_**than all those therapists and drugs.** _

_**– Atticus Poetry** _

* * *

Ushijima did not realise he read the note a few more times before he blinked his eyes and looked up. He thought he is still asleep, and probably this is just a dream, something that his mind had conjured from the fact that he doesn’t want her to be gone like last time. Ushijima saved the document and thought about naming the file. He found himself naming it with your name before he closed the laptop and headed outside his room. The first thing he smelled was the bacon, the mouth-watering scent wafting in his nostrils as he made his way to the kitchen. He saw you standing there, humming a tune of a song that was stuck in your head for quite some time. You were so preoccupied with what you were that when you turned around, your forehead bumped into his chest as Ushijima stood in front.

“Oh, you’re up!” you said, grinning as you stepped to the side and walked past him, placing the plate on the kitchen island as Ushijima sat on the stool.

He looked at what you cooked. A full English breakfast which he was not very used to eating every day. You saw how he looked at the food like he is analysing the most difficult arithmetic question and you stifled a laugh.

“I loved English breakfast when I visited England and I saw you have quite a lot of food in your fridge.”

“You went abroad?”

You nodded before you went to the counter and took two mugs. You don’t really want to talk much about your visit to England except for the food. Not the person you were with when you went there, if anything you wanted to erase that particular part from your memory but that also meant erasing the whole memory since he was with you. The worst part was the best memory of your first visit abroad was with someone you wanted to erase from your mind.

Ushijima thought you were giving him coffee at first, but he didn’t smell the caffeine and when he looked at it he realised it’s green tea. He remembered he had a box given by Kageyama, he hasn’t really used the green tea and he almost forgot all about it, he didn’t even remember where he put it.

“I heard green tea is good for athletes,” you said as you sat on the stool across him. “Bon appétit!”

You were aware of two pair of eyes on you but you continued to eat. Ushijima watches you, like every bite you took was fascinating until he realised he had been staring for quite long and it might be starting to seem strange. But he really could not help but noticed your hair is tied in a bun, a chopstick Ushijima had only noted is atop your head, holding your hair together as some strands fall to the side of your face. The hair act as curtain and it made your face smaller and quite cute, not that Ushijima knew what it meant but he guess he is seeing it now. Before he could stop himself, he had already outstretched his hand towards you, putting the strand of hair behind your ear as you suddenly froze at the sudden gesture.

“Ushijima, what the he—”

“It looks like it’s bothering you,” he said, deliberately cutting you off. The gesture seemed so – you searched for the right word – romantic, but not quite, but almost. And you were about to ask him what the hell is wrong with him until he spoke. At least he sounded nonchalant, like brushing a girl’s hair behind her ear is the most common thing he does every day.

You did not bother thinking much about it as you went back to finishing your food. The food you cooked is like something Ushijima would eat in a five star hotel, he likes it, so much that he found himself uttering those words without thinking much about it.

“The food is great, you will be a good wife.”

Even though Ushijima knew that he can be blunt most of the time, saying things in a literal sense or words that he did not bother mincing before saying them, Ushijima was still surprised when he heard what he said. And then not a second later he heard a loud laugh, he looked up at you and he saw you were laughing, wiping imaginary tears from the side of your eyes as you bend down and clutched your stomach.

“What’s so funny?” Ushijima asked, his eyebrows furrowed and he look genuinely confused now.

You managed to calm down after a while as you took a deep breath and shook your head. “Ah, Ushijima, I had no idea you were such a joker. That’s a good one,” you said, chuckling afterwards but Ushijima is still confused.

“I was not joking,” he said and your laughter completely died down as you looked at him, although hints of laughter still linger on your face, your serious expression is now more noticeable.

“Me? A good wife? Come on, there’s no way I’ll ever get married.” You noticed Ushijima was about to say something but you continued. “At least not for now…or ever. I don’t know, but when I think about it I just don’t like that kind of commitment yet.”

Now Ushijima does not know what to say anymore, so instead he simply watched. He looked at you as your gaze trailed down and your fingers caress the mug as you saw your reflection on the liquid. It’s not that you are afraid of loving, you are just scared of what will happen once you did fall in love again. And you realised it’s too early for such thought to be invading your mind as you decided to change the subject.

“Oh look at the time! I need to catch the train back to Sendai so I’ll have to get going.”

That was a really lame excuse but you could not think of anything else especially when the atmosphere between you and Ushijima is starting to feel heavy now so you looked for a way out, even if it’s the lamest excuse for a way out. Ushijima does not seem to mind as he stood up after you and followed you to the hallway. He smelled the familiar scent of his soap wafting from you and he realised you might have gone to shower earlier while he was asleep. You smelled like him.

You stopped by the door and turned to Ushijima to say goodbye when he outstretched his hand like he is asking for something and you realised you still have the chopstick holding your hair.

“Oh, right, almost forgot about this,” you said as you took the stick and your hair fell down like a curtain, it’s now slightly curled at the end as you brushed it behind your shoulder. “I really need to have my hair cut short soon.”

“Don’t,” Ushijima said, surprising you all of a sudden.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t cut your hair,” he said, his face remained stoic.

You unconsciously brushed your hair behind your ear before you came up with something as a smirk slowly made its way to your lips. “Oh, Genji Warrior likes it when he pulls my hair, eh?”

Ushijima furrowed his brows, not quite getting what you said right away.

“No, it’s not just that. Long hair suits you.”

“Not just tha…ah whatever. I need to buy a new hair tie then. I was so close into cutting it last time before you called.”

Ushijima then remembered the hair tie. “Wait here,” he said before he turned and left.

You looked at his retreating figure, quite confused why he asked you to wait but you waited nonetheless. You leaned on the wall, playing with the ends of your hair. He said long hair suits you. You shook your head to get rid of the thought just in time when Ushijima came back and in his hand, he holds a black hair tie.

“Ah, no thanks. I can buy a new hair tie.”

“It’s yours,” he said. “You left it last time.”

“Oh,” you were quite drunk then that you forgot that you even had your hair tied that night. But instead of taking the hair tie, you shook your head. “Just keep it, Ushijima,”

“Why?”

You put your finger on your chin as if you were thinking deeply before you opened the door behind you but you were still looking at him. “It’s a gift. You were good last night,” you said.

“If you need another company, just give me a call beforehand.” You gave him a wink before you waved your hand and turned around just in time when you suddenly bumped into someone’s chest, for the second time this morning.

A man stood outside Ushijima’s apartment, actually there were two of them and you recognized them both. You didn’t notice them in the nightclub because you were quite drunk and you did pass out but now that you’re sober, you remembered who they are. The man whom you bumped into is taller than the man behind him. When the guy behind him saw you, a look of recognition instantly shone in his eyes.

“Ah!” he said, pointing at you but before he could continue, you walked passed them and left.

You really have nothing to do with those guys now anyways.

Hinata Shouyo and Kageyama Tobio.

They were, after all, just guys you knew because your ex introduced them to you. Nothing more and nothing less than that. And since you have nothing to do with that guy, you also have nothing to do with those he introduced to you. So without looking back once, you left the building ready to go back to Sendai.

Ushijima don’t usually get visitors much, but here they are, standing by the door as Ushijima crossed his arms.

“Why are you two here?” he asked once you left.

“Ushijima-san we –”

“Was that the girl the same one from the nightclub back then?” Hinata asked, cutting Kageyama off right in his face as Ushijima turned to him.

“Yeah. What about her?”

“Do you have some business with her, Ushijima-san? As far as I recall, you said you only met briefly during College.”

It was Kageyama who spoke and the way he seemed to say it made Ushijima furrowed his brows.

“Why? Do you know her?” Ushijima asked.

“She looked different that night so I didn’t recognize her right away,” Kageyama started as he looked at Hinata before he continued. “But wasn’t she and Oikawa-san dating before?”


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

**_“You are damaged_ **

**_and broken and unhinged._ **

**_But so are shooting stars and comets.”_ **

**_-Nikita Gill_ **

* * *

****

You didn’t know how the dream started, if anything you wanted to call it a nightmare. A recurring one that frequently visited you during the first few weeks when you broke up with him. It was the same dream, repeatedly reminding you of what occurred that night, his lines were always the same, like how he said it in real life and in front of you. If possible, you could have at least punched him once on his precious crown jewel, tell him that he can stick those words up where the sun don’t shine. You hated it, how you can’t control your dreams and you end up standing there, not being able to do anything.

At least half or most of the dream would be gone once you woke up, leaving bits and pieces of that accursed fragment as you opened your eyes and stare up the ceiling.

“Ah, that was annoying,” you muttered. “That damned…shitty…bastard ugh!”

You thrashed on your bed, punching the air as you kicked your bed sheet. Even if you cursed him all you want, it’s not like he’s going to hear you, not when he’s practically half the world away.

After a while of letting out your frustration, you sat up on your bed and catch your breath, thinking how good of an exercise that was, cussing him burned more calories than a few minute jog, you actually felt your blood boil.

You stood up and headed to the bathroom, a good lukewarm shower is just what you needed. As you passed the bathroom mirror, you caught a sight that made you halt in your tracks. You were wearing an oversized shirt and it slid down one of your shoulders to reveal a reddish bruise.

You stopped to admire the remnant of what occurred the other night, in an upscale apartment in Tokyo where this famous V League athlete resides, you felt the side of your lips turning up at the memory as your fingers touched your skin.

“He left quite a huge one,” you muttered. “It’ll take days to fade.” You shrugged your shoulders as you turned away from the mirror. “But oh well, it’s not like people won’t judge you with or without this. Walk across the street and one or two people would judge you without knowing who you are.”

You slid the shirt and let it fall on the floor before sliding down your undergarment, leaving you bare as you walk up to the shower and let the lukewarm water glide down your porcelain skin, not knowing that there were quite a few more of those little remnants marked on your back.

You received a message from your editor sometime during the afternoon, asking you to join him for dinner in this fine-dine restaurant. You were actually craving for some western dishes so you were more than happy to go. You decided between wearing a sleeveless top and skirt or a sleeve dress, but since the night is getting colder, you decided the latter. The restaurant looks fancy, you thought as you entered the establishment. Going up to the reception for the reservation, a host led you to a table where your editor is already waiting.

After a while of silence, your hand found the stem of the glass as you inhaled the savoury grape fragrance of the wine before swirling the liquid around and finally taking a sip, the spoor reminded you of Ushijima, he always smelled like wine. The rich flavour passed down your throat and you sighed in contentment before you put the glass back on the table and took a bite of the chicken salad.

“You wrote this in one night?” your editor asked, turning off his tablet before he put it in his bag and he looked at you before he smiled. “So it seems the genius writer Y/N is back in your body.”

You laughed lightly before you shook your head. “Well yes, but not quite. I just happened to come across a fleeting inspiration.”

Kai raise his eyebrow, which seems perfectly on fleek you might add, as he crossed his arms in front of his chest and pursed his lips. “And what kind of _fleeting_ inspiration was it?”

“Let’s say…” you trailed, taking another bite of the salad before you put the fork down. “A guy,”

Your editor gasped, a little too dramatically as he put his hands up to cover his mouth. “Y/N, you’re dating a new guy?” he asked before he took the glass of wine on his side.

“Nope,” you said, popping the ‘p’ as you shook your head. “That fleeting inspiration came after we had sex.”

Your editor, who was drinking his wine, suddenly choked on the liquor when he heard what you just shamelessly admitted. He coughed a few times, setting his glass on the side before he wiped his mouth with the napkin and cleared his throat.

“What?” he asked between coughs.

“What?” you asked back, blinking your eyes before you shrugged your shoulders and continued to eat the salad.

“Y/N,” he said, taking a deep breath through his nostrils. “You – did what? Why?”

“Because we were hor –”

Your editor lifted his hand and put his finger on your lips, stopping you from saying anything else as your eyes widen in surprise for a second. “Darling, language,” he said, chuckling forcefully before he retracted his hand and cleared his throat again.

It’s not like anyone would hear you, not in this fancy fine-dine restaurant and the sound of piano in the background while the tables are like five meters apart.

“But it wasn’t anything serious, was it? You two just…” he trailed off, using his hands to gesture movements. “…did it?”

“Yeah,” you answered nonchalantly, nodding your head before you leaned on the chair much more comfortably. “I told you, Kai, the last time would be the very last one. There’s no way I’ll ever get into a serious relationship with anyone anytime soon.”

He watched you as your eyes were trailed down on the table, your finger making a circular motion on the rim of the glass unconsciously.

“Besides, he wasn’t like him,” you continued, your voice slowly drifting silently. “I knew that guy wouldn’t go as far as to…falling in love, I guess.” You then chuckled, more to yourself than to anyone. “He seems so dense anyways.”

You were not really the type to open up much about your past relationship to anyone, a little more secretive even to the people you trust. Even your editor, whom you have been working with for years, didn’t know much about what happened. Not what happened that night, you never really told anyone about that. And you thought if you didn’t tell anyone, you’d eventually forget about it because no one would remind you then.

“Who is it?” Kai asked. “If you don’t mind my asking,” he quickly added.

“Oh, you know him,” you said nonchalantly. “Everyone does…probably. If they watch enough V League.”

“He’s an athlete?” your editor suddenly asked a bit loudly and you flinched in surprise.

“Why? What’s wrong if he’s one?”

“Darling, your ex – he who must not be named – is an athlete too, remember?”

Of course you do remember. He’d told you about his high school Volleyball career, and you thought he always seemed a little more happier talking about it. You shook your head before the memories came to invade your mind, telling yourself that there is no use thinking about things that already occurred about people you wanted to forget.

“What’s with you and your magnet for attracting volleyball players?”

You looked at your editor, your eyebrow raise in question before you shook your head. You were about ready to let go of the topic when your editor leaned in. “So, drop the name.”

“It’s Ushijima. Ushijima Wakatoshi,” you said and waited for your editor’s response.

You thought he might be surprise, his eyes would go wide and his mouth would form an ‘o’ with the sudden realisation that you slept with the Ushijima Wakatoshi of Schweiden Adlers. He’d gone pretty popular over the years after all, what with playing in the Division 1 V League. Besides, your editor also knew the guy back in College, you three did attend the same University, but he was never close to him so you doubt if he even remembers your editor. But instead of seeing that reaction, you actually didn’t expect your editor to be so cool and calm about it.

“Ushijima?” he said and you nodded your head.

“Yeah, Ushijima,” you repeated, because you felt like he was asking but when you looked at him, you noticed he was not looking at you but he was staring passed you.

“No, I mean Ushijima Wakatoshi just came,” he said and you turned around slightly to see the guy himself.

He entered the restaurant like some celebrity that he is. Following behind him were two unfamiliar guys that you haven’t seen. He is sporting a burgundy blazer coat and a black v-neck t shirt under it, a casual look for a casual guy in an evening dinner at a fine-dine restaurant. His hair perfectly styled like he came straight out of a runway. His eyes scanned the place until they landed on you and you gave him a smile.

But it surprised you to see him avert his gaze like he didn’t recognise you at all and he walked ahead.

“Right,” you muttered, turning back as you took the fork and stabbed the salad. “Why do we need to greet each other when we’re not even that close,” you continued, stuffing your mouth with salad as your editor looked at you before he shook his head.

“Darling, stop eating like a caveman,” he said, taking a napkin as he wipe the side of your lips.

“Hey Wakatoshi-kun, you know that chick?” Tendou asked once they were seated on their table while Leon looked at Ushijima whose gaze was kept towards you.

“If you know her, you shouldn’t have ignored her,” Leon said and Ushijima blinked his eyes as he averted his gaze.

He’d seen enough, of how you stuff your mouth with salad and then the guy who is sitting across you wiped the side of your mouth with a napkin. “We had only seen each other a few times. Besides, she seems to be with her date.”

“Date?” Tendou asked, his eyes squinting as he stare at the guy you were with, your editor. “I think the guy is bent.”

“Bent?” Ushijima asked, his eyebrows knitted together as confusion clouded his features.

Leon looked at the guy, processing what Tendou meant by bent and then he realised it after a moment. “Maybe,” he said.

“Bent?” Ushijima repeated, his eyebrows still furrowed in utter confusion, but he really couldn’t get it and the food came.

After a while, you and your editor decided to leave the restaurant, you’d stolen gazes towards Ushijima but he seems like his usual, normal self, eating dinner with possibly his high school friends. You really couldn’t care less about being ignored, but not after you smiled at him. Or maybe he didn’t notice you, that too can be the case but you found yourself trying to convince yourself that it is the latter and not the former.

“Darling, I’m afraid I have to get going,” your editor said as he turned to you, he was talking to someone on the phone after you two exited the restaurant so you figured it must have been his boyfriend or something, you thought you heard the word babe but it’s not like you eavesdropped in on their conversation.

“Sure, I’ll go book a taxi back,” you said as you nodded and your editor gave you a side peck on the cheek before he left.

You stood there, under a lamppost, as you took your phone to book a taxi when a car suddenly stopped in front of you. A dark blue McLaren 570S which made your eyebrow raise, you knew the guy behind the wheels must have been some wealthy heir or something, you don’t see this kind of sports car around often. The door rolled up and you saw a guy.

“I think I booked a taxi, not a sports car,” you said, the side of your lips turning up ever so slightly. “But it’s not like I’m one to complain.”

The guy nodded his head to the side, inviting you as you unfolded your arms and started to walk up to the car. You really don’t mind having some fun, since you already finished your compromise and your editor was pretty satisfied with the ending of your book this time, you thought about rewarding yourself by having some fun with the rich dude tonight. You were starting to get bored with Volleyball players anyways, you thought to yourself as you were about to get inside the car.

When suddenly, a hand grabbed your elbow and yanked you back. You were quite surprise but when you tried to yank your arm back, his grip was quite tight.

“What the fu –”

You were abruptly cut off when you saw who it was.

“You can go now,” he said to the guy in the car. “She’s coming with me.”

You saw the door slowly slid down until it closed and the car sped away before you looked back at him and took your arm as he let go.

“What’s wrong with you? Do we know each other?” you asked, raising your eyebrow at Ushijima who seem confuse at what you said. Or perhaps at what he did, suddenly going up to yanked you back before you entered that stranger’s car. Really, what was it that was wrong with him?


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

**_To love her is like loving a pixie_ **

**_Small and fragile_ **

**_And he never knows when she will vanish_ **

**_Leaving pixie dust in her wake_ **

* * *

After a while of thinking what Tendou meant by bent, Ushijima finally realised it.

The guy is not straight.

He may be dense and blunt but it’s not like he is totally clueless. Well, he was, for a while. But at least he knew the guy you were having dinner with was not your date. Or why does he even care?

Maybe because you two had slept for more than one occasion, that he is perhaps feeling like this.

What even is this?

He was really just going to call it a night and go back home, since he told his mother he will be staying over this weekend. But when he saw you were about to get inside someone else’s car, and he knew it was not the guy you were with earlier, Ushijima found himself walking up to you and yanking you back.

And then you asked him that question.

“What do you mean do we know each other?” Ushijima asked, seemingly confused. And the confusion was genuine as he furrowed his brows. “We were together the other day.”

You fought the urge the roll your eyes. You forgot how the guy has a tendency to take things at a literal sense.

You tried to take your arm back but you couldn’t shake his hold, he was holding you quite firmly and your arm didn’t even budge.

“Hey, Ushijima, can you let you go now?”

“So we do know each other,” he said as he let go of your arm and you folded them across your chest as you looked at him.

“What was that about?” you asked, turning to him and raising an eyebrow.

“What?”

“You, suddenly yanking me back like that and saying ‘she’s coming with me’. What was that about?”

Even Ushijima don’t know what was that about. What’s with him that prompted him to yank you back like that? Maybe because he doesn’t want to see you with another guy, he knew you’d come with him and, well, do the things you did with Ushijima. And maybe he did that because Ushijima doesn’t want to see you do something like that. Something so…

He tried to pinpoint the right word.

Indecent?

Sleeping with different guys.

Ushijima’s silence made you sighed a little bit exasperatedly.

“Forget it,” you said as you unfolded your arm before you held the sleeve of his coat. “Take me somewhere.”

“What?” he asked as you started to walk, pulling him with you as he followed behind.

“Since you interrupted what could have been a very great night with that wealthy guy, you have to make up for it and take me somewhere.”

You really didn’t know where you’re heading, but you headed back to the parking lot because you thought Ushijima might have brought his car.

“Wealthy?” he asked as he stopped in his track, pulling you back in the process as you turned to him.

“Well, he’s driving a McLaren sports car,” you said nonchalantly, pursing your lips. “So he might be wealthy.”

Or he might be a gigolo; that too can also be plausible since you heard how gigolos are paid in Tokyo. One night and a guy can have a sports car if the customer really likes him.

“It’s just a McLaren,” Ushijima said before he took your hand and pulled you forward. “For all you know, that guy could be a paid host.”

To think you and Ushijima also thought the same thing. You lightly chuckled before Ushijima stopped and took his key fob.

“Wakatoshi-kun,”

Someone spoke and you stepped behind Ushijima to see the guys he was with earlier when he entered the restaurant. Now that you look closely, you noticed that they were quite tall as well, athletes perhaps? One with blazing red hair and the other you thought is half foreigner.

“You two can go ahead, Y/N and I will just go somewhere,” Ushijima said as he pressed the key fob.

That’s when you noticed the car behind the guys in front. A Mercedes cabriolet with a convertible top.

“Alright,” Reon said. “Let’s go, Tendou.”

Tendou gave Ushijima a knowing look before the two left and Ushijima ushered you inside his car.

You realised this was a different car he had back in Tokyo.

“Ushijima,” you started once he started the ignition, maneuvering out the parking lot. “Tell me, are you also a paid host?”

“What?” he asked, turning to you. “No, I’m not.”

“This is a nice car,” you said, looking at him suspiciously, squinting your eyes. “A really nice car.”

“It’s a gift.”

Gigolos received cars as gift too. Your suspicion did not decrease as you looked at him still.

“Y/N, this is a gift from my family. I’m not a paid host.”

“Okay,” you said right away as you turned back and leaned on your seat. “I mean, I wouldn’t like sharing you with older women.”

“Then I wouldn’t like sharing you with other men,” he said, though it seems like he didn’t think much about it when he said that and you brushed it off with a laugh as you waved your hand.

“Fair enough,” you said.

Fortunately, you didn’t take what he said seriously as Ushijima stepped on the gas and sped through the street.

You immediately felt the night breeze caress you but the feeling was not quite enough. Taking your seatbelt out, you slowly sat up and Ushijima noticed you.

“Y/N, that’s dangerous,” he said and he was ready to pull the car to the side.

“It’s alright,” you said. “Just keep driving.”

Even though he still don’t know if what you’re doing is safe or not, Ushijima kept on driving as you felt the cold breeze more now. You closed your eyes before you slowly spread your arms wide and up, the wind felt nice against your face and you found yourself smiling.

And then you were yelling.

“Ah this feels really nice!”

You screamed again as the car continued to speed down the freeway.

And for the first time in a while you felt free. So free you started to feel emotional. It’s like a bird whose wings have been clipped for so long and then finally being free from the cage that kept you trapped in. Or like a pixie letting out pixie dust as the wind blew by, believing that you too can fly. It was such an indescribable feeling, something that could never be measured by mere words alone. An ethereal feeling like being in a vast nirvana.

Ushijima briefly looked at you, he saw how your hair flew behind your back, your eyes closed and you were smiling.

Ushijima thought it might be the most beautiful thing he’d seen in a while.

And he wanted to see more, longer.

But that might result in him crashing his car so he averted his gaze reluctantly to look ahead.

The car passed by a tunnel and you finally opened your eyes.

The tunnel is dark, saved from the lights up the walls.

You screamed again, your voice echoing through until the car reach the end of the tunnel and a familiar smell whiff towards you as you took a sniff before you sat back down.

“I can smell the ocean,” you said. “Let’s go to the seaside.”

“Okay,” Ushijima said as he looked to the side for a second.

True enough, he can see the ocean from the freeway.

After a while you found yourself by the coast.

The moon was full that night and the light glistened down the water as it decorated the ocean in million starlings.

You were a few steps ahead of Ushijima, just walking aimlessly around the seaside.

After a while you turned back and you saw Ushijima leaning on his car as he waited for you.

“Do you want to go back now?” he asked as he unfolded his arms and pushed himself off his car. “Let’s go, I’ll dri—”

You didn’t let him finish as you sealed his lips with yours, putting your arms around his shoulders as you opened your mouth and let his tongue in and yours in his. Ushijima kissed you back like he’s never kissed you before, you knew by the way he quickly is kissing you back. His arms snaking around your waist as you inched closer, feeling his knee pressed between your legs.

After a while, you both leaned out, but still too close to each other.

“Thank you,” you said under your breath. “For letting me experience something like that.”

Ushijima thought you were talking about the kiss but then he realised you were talking about earlier, in the car. As you sat up and screamed at the top of your lungs, it was such a fleeting moment but you will treasure that moment fort the rest of your life.

“It’s alright,” he said. “If you like, I can drive you again and you can do that as many time as you want.”

You looked up at him. “Really?”

“Yes,”

Ushijima’s next words may have been the most genuine thing he said that night.

“As long as you’re happy.”

He finally saw your smile again and he thought he wanted to see that more and more.

You chuckled lightly as you leaned out and took a step back.

“Alright then,” you said. “As a reward, I’ll invite you to my place.”

Ushijima felt the side of his lips turn up in a smile. He never actually thought about going to your place. Your agreement is that you would come once in a while to his place, over the weekend. And then you would do it, nothing more and nothing less than that. He never really asked about going to your place.

“But don’t expect much,” you said. “My place isn’t as huge and expensive as yours.”

“It’s fine,” he said.

Ushijima doesn’t really care much whether it’s a small, humble apartment unit or a million yen luxury apartment. So long as you’re there, sleeping soundly beside him, he thought he could turn the heater off in the middle of winter and still feel the warmth like home.

Although he didn’t get the chance to ask you about the guy you once dated and if he might be the reason why you were scared to love again.

Ushijima thought he can ask you another time.

Or never.

Just having you beside him is enough for now.

**.**

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_**A/N: Sorry I wasn't able to update in a while and this is quite short too! But know that I'm so thankful to everyone reading this book. ♡♡♡** _

**Author's Note:**

> Hope to receive some feedback and if you like, do leave some kudos too ;)))


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